She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
