Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
