so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
