She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
