it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I smell stomach acid.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
