my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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