Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
