so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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