I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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