Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
