Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
