Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
