I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
