FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
