I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
