there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
