was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
