I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
