Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
