You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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