Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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