Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do herpes really smell.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
