I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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