i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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