New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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