Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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