Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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