two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
