Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
