i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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