I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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