I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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