i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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