I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
