I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
