We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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