porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dicks are not precious.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
