Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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