I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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