ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
