she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
