Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
