you guys were way drunker than both of me
the condom got lost in my hair
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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