Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
