Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
