I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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