The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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