Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
