There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
