I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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